We all experience big emotions from time to time. For children, these emotions can often feel overwhelming and lead to meltdowns. As a parent or caregiver, it’s important to help children learn to manage these big feelings. With patience and the right support, you can guide them through meltdowns while teaching important emotional skills.
Understand What Triggers Meltdowns
The first step is understanding what tends to trigger your child’s meltdowns. Big transitions, changes in routine, sensory overload, frustration, fatigue, hunger, and feeling unwell can all spark big emotions. Pay attention to when meltdowns happen to identify potential triggers. This allows you to anticipate challenges and proactively support your child.
For example, if meltdowns often happen mid-afternoon, your child may need more rest or a snack to stay regulated. Knowing their sensitivities can also help you adjust environments to minimise overwhelming sensations. Understanding patterns helps you respond empathetically rather than reacting harshly to behaviour.
Validate Their Feelings
When children have meltdowns, it’s easy to focus on the behaviour itself. But it’s important to acknowledge the overwhelming emotions driving it. Say things like, “I see you’re really upset right now. It’s ok to feel frustrated.” Validating their feelings helps them feel understood.
Give Them Space
For some children, physical affection and close proximity calm them during a meltdown. For others, it overstimulates. Noticing body language can clue you into their needs. If they seem to want space, stay nearby but don’t force interaction. Talk gently and reassuringly to let them know you’re there when they’re ready.
Heading outdoors can also help diffuse heightened emotions with fresh air and open space. Letting them safely express the “bigness” of their feelings through yelling, jumping, or lying under weighted blankets can also be releasing.
Use Calming Strategies
Once a meltdown is in motion, it’s hard for kids to rationally self-soothe. Having some go-to calming strategies can help lower emotional intensity. Breathing exercises, squeezing stress balls, rubbing essential oils, or listening to music are options. Model using the strategies yourself, and practice when they’re already calm. Offer gentle reminders during meltdowns.
Look into “diversion” activities that redirect their focus. Blowing bubbles, playing with sensory bins or fidget toys, listening to audiobooks, or engaging in movement breaks can help take the edge off.
Set Limits with Empathy
While it’s important to allow children to work through meltdowns, you may need to set some gentle limits if behaviour becomes unsafe. Use an empathetic tone and keep directions simple. Rather than saying “stop”, suggest a preferred alternative like “hands down”. Avoid threats of punishment which escalate distress.
Reassure them you understand they’re upset, you’re there to help them calm down, and you’ll talk things through when they’re ready. If you need to intervene for safety, explain you’re moving them somewhere safe until their body and brain are no longer “flooded”.
Seek Extra Support
If meltdowns happen frequently and severely despite your best efforts, seek professional support. A counsellor can help teach emotional regulation skills. For chronic issues impacting daily functioning, explore options like play therapy, behavioural intervention, special education planning, or medical assessment. If you have a child with autism whom you are fostering in Wales, make sure to seek advice from your social worker.
Parenting a child with additional needs like autism comes with unique challenges. Joining support groups helps you feel less alone and swap strategies with those who understand.
The key is patience, responsiveness, and compassion as you help your child develop emotional intelligence. With time and consistency, they can learn to ride the waves of big feelings.
