Life is full of small frustrations that can easily push our buttons, and when those buttons get pushed, feeling angry is completely normal. In fact, anger can be healthy and beneficial when expressed in a constructive way. It can lead to clearer communication and even positive changes in relationships or situations. However, some people struggle to control their anger, and they may not even realize how out of hand it gets. Often, their loved ones bear the burden, modifying their behavior, being cautious with words, suppressing feelings, and tiptoeing around the angry person all in the name of “keeping the peace.” Seeking help from a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) therapist can be an effective way to address underlying issues and develop better emotional regulation skills, helping individuals and their loved ones find healthier ways to communicate and manage anger.
Common Causes of Overwhelming Anger
If you’re unsure whether you might have issues with anger, consider the following common reasons behind intense anger and see if any resonate with your experiences.
Using Anger as a Coping Mechanism
Self-soothing through substances is common, but anger can also be a form of self-medication. There’s a biological reason for why some people frequently lose their temper. During angry episodes, the brain releases a hormone called norepinephrine, which acts like a natural painkiller. When triggered, we often revisit old wounds and buried feelings, whether we’re aware of them or not.
In these moments, anger releases norepinephrine to numb our emotional pain, masking feelings of vulnerability, rejection, or unworthiness. Over time, people can become dependent on their own anger, craving the chemical relief it provides in the same way someone might develop an addiction to a substance.
Anger as a Source of Power
The brain also produces another hormone during anger outbursts—epinephrine, commonly known as adrenaline. Unlike norepinephrine, which dulls emotional pain, epinephrine acts like a stimulant, flooding the body with energy.
This sudden rush of adrenaline helps counter feelings of powerlessness, whether it’s in a specific situation or a more general sense of life’s difficulties. This can be incredibly seductive, as medical experts suggest that epinephrine can be as addictive as substances like alcohol or cocaine. This explains why some people become hooked on the rush their anger provides.
Anger as Emotional Armor
For some, anger creates a buffer in relationships. This is often a response to past experiences where a parent or caregiver was emotionally unavailable or unreliable. As adults, people with these attachment wounds may use anger to maintain emotional distance in relationships, finding security in keeping others at arm’s length.
Strategies for Controlling Anger
- Acknowledge the Issue – Much like substance abuse, acknowledging that you may have a problem with anger is the first step toward managing it.
- Track Your Anger – Keeping a journal where you record each instance of anger can be enlightening. Note what triggered your anger, how intense it was on a scale of 0-10, and how you responded. This can help you gain insight into patterns of behavior.
- Feel Without Reacting – It’s important to allow yourself to feel your emotions, including anger, but reacting impulsively can cause harm. Practice walking away from heated situations, and resist the urge to send that angry message.
- Seek Professional Support – Speaking with a therapist or counselor can help you understand the deeper emotions fueling your anger. By addressing those underlying issues, you can start to heal and manage your anger in healthier ways.
