The Role Of Communication In Online Dating: How To Keep The Conversation Going With Nu Date

The internet is the greatest invention of our age. It lets us communicate across borders, with thousands of people all at once, or should we be lucky enough to get a match, one on one. With that power of communication comes the expectation that the conversation will flow and never end.

The Human Connection

In an ideal world, conversation would flow freely without much thought. Unfortunately, anyone who’s ever been left on ‘read’ on a platform like nu-date knows that’s not always how it goes. Sometimes we do need to really think about what we’re saying and how.

Communication is the great skill of the human species. We’re not big, we’re not fast, we’re not strong. What we can do is express ourselves and convince each other of things. Talking is what we do. Harnessing this great evolutionary trait is key to a healthy dating life.

Communicating Online

As great as the internet may be, it’s not without its problems as a communication tool. That goes double for using it as a dating platform where the stakes and pressure are higher than normal.

A lot of our natural communication doesn’t come from the words we utter. It comes from facial expressions, body language, tone and physical context. Unfortunately, none of these come across easily in text, even with the aid of emojis (not even the winky face or the eggplant), so we need strategies to overcome them. If you want to move from the digital to the physical, bear these in mind:

Reach Out

Someone has to make the first move and it might as well be you. If no one ever reaches out then there can’t be a conversation. If there’s no conversation, there’s not going to be a date. The art of the successful opener might be one of life’s great mysteries, but you miss every shot you don’t take.

That goes for the second, third and every other time you chat to this person too.

It’s Not An Interview

While we might be applying for the role of Friday night date and we’re definitely looking to gather information it’s not really an interview (though there are similarities).

Asking questions is good, but just as important is how you follow them up- you don’t want to go quickfire round on them.

Ask them about something from their profile or a previous conversation and see where the conversation naturally flows. If there’s a lull, move on and ask another.

Setting The Tone

When you’re talking to someone online, getting the tone right is the key. What keeps things flowing will vary from conversation to conversation and person to person. Sometimes your funny opening line will fall flat, sometimes you catch your partner in a bad mood. In that way, it’s not much different to real life.

Communication is a two-way street and being able to read your partner is the greatest asset for anyone looking to date online. You’ll have to judge your responses on a case-by-case basis.

Setting Expectations

Continuing the theme of setting the tone, a flirty hook up chat and a meaningful relationship one probably won’t flow the same.

Some sites have a bit of a reputation. Some specialise in helping you find The One, others in Another One and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with either of those- we’re all here to have fun after all.

That being said, being clear with your communication is important. Just because you’re there looking for love doesn’t mean that they’re not just after a wild night. It’s better to be direct and get it out of the way to avoid waiting time and creating misunderstandings down the line.

Break The Tension

Online dating is a bit of a weird situation to put yourself in. You both know why you’re there and that adds a lot of pressure to every word. That pressure is heightened through the lack of non-verbal cues, leading people to read way too much into everything.

The old joke about what English Teachers read and what authors really meant has a certain level of truth to it sometimes.

Break that with a joke.

Laughter creates bonds, breaks tension and generally makes people feel better. It’s not always going to be absolutely appropriate, but it’s rarely going to hurt. People like to laugh.

Conclusion

With something like 70% of our in-person communication taking place in the realms of the non-verbal, talking online can be tricky. These strategies can really help though.

How your conversation shapes up is going to vary from talk to talk, but the real take away is to go with the flow. The basic tips are:

• Make a move
• Follow up
• Be clear
• Don’t take it too seriously.

Keep these in mind and you’ll never have to deal with those awkward pauses ever again.